Not getting our idea of ourselves from our faith in God who made us who we are, most of us get our idea of ourselves from the approval or attention of others.
This leaves us insecure.
Being insecure, it is hard for us to believe that people really love us. We fear that if they get to know anyone else too well, they will love this other person more than me.
Even where there is no real possibility of "losing" the one we love, insecurity will still leave us possessive. After all, in essence, insecurity is not about not being secure, as if we fear that someone will injure us. Rather, insecurity is about the fact that we are born utterly self-centered and grow out of it only slowly. This means that what we really want is adoration-from whomever we can get it.
Therefore, if I think I can get adoration from you, I have to have it. And I will rage against anything that is ever said or done that makes me think that you are thinking about someone else. (This is the reason that someone can become jealous of the girl-friends of his girl, etc.)
In any case, by creating a scene if ever you should make or see a friend, I am trying to make sure that you will stay away from other people.
This, however, is unfair.
It is unfair to the people we love because it expects more "fidelity" than we give them.
It is unfair to the people we love because it cuts them off from healthy friendships. It puts them in a cage.
It is unfair to our relationships because it puts too much pressure on both people to provide for the other person's every need.
And it is also unfair to us personally because, by dealing with our insecurity in this way, we stay insecure.
We grow when we let go-when we renounce the need for adoration, and focus instead on Him who has a right to be adored. After all, in the final analysis, we are lovable and have every reason to be thrilled to be who we are, not because of someone's else approval or attention, but because God has made us who we are. And this is something we can never embrace while we are at the same time clinging to the love of any human person.
Besides, only by letting go will we know whether others really love us. After all, if you are always watching, others' behavior may not reflect their hearts. Whereas, if others are free to do what they want, you find out how they feel.